19 dining dos and dont’s from mobile phones to splitting the bill

In our increasingly casual dining scene, where restaurants have done away with tablecloths and are throwing tins full of cutlery in the center of the table, is it time to revisit traditional European court-inspired etiquette rules?

According to a recent British survey by pizza restaurant chain Prezzo, elbows are making a comeback at the dinner table as Gen Z diners believe that such restrictions are no longer relevant.

However, when I ask British etiquette expert and social media sensation William Hanson (@williamhansonetiquette) about it, he says it's not that The Youth doesn't believe in the value of etiquette. It is that what is valued has changed.

“Gen Z and younger generations are interested in manners and etiquette, despite what some people think,” he says.

“It should be noted that there is evidence, dating back to the Norman Conquest, of older generations bemoaning the fact that younger generations are ruder. I think it's not necessarily that they're ruder, it's just that they behave in a different way, driving a change in manners and etiquette.”

Eating etiquette in the 21st century is less about knowing which fork to use when. “Gen Z today is much more aware of inclusive ways and inclusive language and making sure that different people who have different lived experiences feel as included as those who have more mainstream experiences,” says Hanson.

“Gen Z today is much more aware of inclusive ways and inclusive language.”

William Hanson, UK etiquette expert

Perhaps, then, the line is blurring between good etiquette and good manners. The first is a set of rules that change over time and can vary greatly between cultures. The latter is more about courtesy and consideration for others. You can have good manners without necessarily understanding the etiquette of a situation. But you can't have good etiquette without good manners.

There is always a place for good manners as a diner, and more broadly. But when it comes to etiquette, maybe it's time to relax. Below I provide some guide protocols for each gene.

The new rules of modern food etiquette

• do the goal of arriving on time. If you are late, let your fellow diners know.
• Do not do it worry a lot if your classmates are late. I say this as someone who is always late, but it's worth the wait. I like to think that the delay is a sign of optimism, not rudeness.
• do Send a photo or PDF of the menu to latecomers while you wait, so they can sneak in when they're running late.
• do treat the waiters with courtesy. They are your hosts for the night, and you are in their home.

• do Leave bags and jackets on a chair or under the table, not on the table.
• do Consider leaving your phone in your bag or jacket, too. If you have nomophobia (that's the fear of losing your phone!), leave it with the screen down and in airplane mode. That way, you can take pictures if you feel like it, and then take them back.
• do discuss splitting the bill on top of the meal to make the end run simpler. Old-school etiquette dictates that whoever starts the meal pays the bill, but that's much less common these days.
• do advice if you can afford it. 10 percent is standard, 15 percent is generous.

• do use your cutlery from the outside in, but don't have a cow if someone else doesn't.
• do fill other people's water glasses when you fill your own.
• do feel free to put away your cutlery and plates if you'd rather keep cleaning up bits and bobs.

• Do not do it season a dish before tasting it.
• Do not do it Start eating cold dishes until everyone has had theirs, but hot dishes can be crushed as soon as they fall.
• Do not do it dig your cutlery into communal dishes, unless it's family.

• Do not do it reach out to your teammates to grab something. Ask the nearest person to pass it, unless it's family!
• Do not do it let the scotch sit on a shared plate because you're worried you've had too much. Offer it to your teammates first, then claim it as yours.
• do Try to avoid elbows on the table, but don't let it take up too much bandwidth. This rule is now more about functional digestion, because sitting like that makes you fall and sink your kishkes.

• do eat with your hands when the opportunity presents itself. Most cultures prefer the right hand as the brat hand. I have to say that there is nothing more pleasing to me than to retrieve the salad leaf by leaf with my fingers; just make sure you put it on your plate from the communal first.
• And finally, do lighten up, in general. Dinner should be a place of comfort and frivolity, not of excellence and status signaling. I remember when the late Queen Elizabeth II chose to hug then First Lady Michelle Obama, rather than back away from a touch that was “not protocol.” In doing so, he showed more class and grace than if he had stuck to the fact. Jas Kween.