Whenever I'm going to review anything, I do my best to avoid other critical ratings. I want my analysis and opinions to be entirely my own. I don't want anyone, even subconsciously, to influence my reaction and honest thoughts. But right before that I saw Chris Pine's directorial debut Poolman I saw a quote of his about the initial opinions of his film. He said that critics have “panned” his film so badly that he began to worry that he “did a lot of shit”. But Pine says that after going back and re-watching his film he still loves it “so much”. These comments gave me a lot of hope before I saw his movie. Then they made me feel really good after watching it. Because I know it won't bring him down knowing I found it Poolman to be an incoherent and borderline unobservable mess.
Poolman it's Pine's strained effort to mash Chinatown with The Big Lebowski. He plays the annoying but likable Darren Barrenman. Darren's optimistic and hopeful life revolves around two things. When he's not maintaining the world's smallest hotel pool (a hilarious and revealing gag in a movie desperate for those), he's begging/fighting/reigning members of the Los Angeles city council to improve his hometown . He is also working on a documentary about his efforts with Danny DeVito's Jack, who is a former filmmaker. I think?
I don't know because I rarely knew what was going on Poolman or why And not in a good way, where chaos and confusion are part of the fun. I mean I didn't know what was going on in a bad way, where I was so lost in the incomprehensible plot that I completely gave up trying to follow it. Is there a possibly corrupt councilor? A possibly corrupt real estate developer? There's definitely a beautiful woman who drags Darren into a mystery he's not qualified to investigate, but I just couldn't follow her story. And is there another guy who is somehow very important to everything that happens even though they're barely mentioned or seen?
What are their names? Do not care. What is the real mystery going on? What is going on with any of them individually? Why is Darren part of this? this it doesn't Subject matter. nothing matters
What matters is this Poolman it's quirky without being funny, even though it tries so hard to be funny. There are a handful of moments that land, and in those moments you can see how this movie could have been with a better script. (Pine co-wrote this film with Ian Gotler.) But mostly the film's attempts at off-beat humor are actively unfunny.
Poolman it also features one of the worst movie soundtracks I can remember. Not that the different songs are bad (most are fine or even good on their own). And it's not even that they don't work with the action on screen. It's that they actively make the movie worse. The songs completely undermine the sentiment and sense of place this film is desperate to achieve. The soundtrack is a big reason why it doesn't work. This should be a “vibes” movie, but it doesn't evoke any feelings beyond boredom.
The other obvious problem in post-production is editing. This is a poorly edited film (and that's polite). Some scenes are simply over-edited, as too many cuts add an urgency and tension that is counter to what is actually happening. At other times, shots drag on a second too long (or more), undermining the comedy. The timing of the film is almost always “off”. A better editor would not have turned Poolman in a resounding success, but they would have improved it dramatically. The bones of a fun movie are here. Unfortunately, his flesh is rotten.
Poolman At least it has a great cast, even if they're all stuck swimming with an anchor of a script. Annette Bening, John Ortiz and Clancy Brown are all standouts. They go beyond the script they're working with to the point where they feel like they're all in a much better movie than everyone else. (I'd watch a spinoff with Bening's character. She's the best part of the movie.)
The film, almost miraculously, finds its point with about 25 minutes remaining in its 100 minute running time. It suddenly becomes weirder, funnier, and more engaging once you stop playing it all so safe. This is also when Pine seems to be having the most fun as Darren. But at this point it's too late. You'll be kicked out of a story that never let you in to begin with. I just didn't care what happened to anyone or why. While you are still somehow invested in the story at the end, its conclusion is the most absurd part of a story that is nothing but nonsense.
Poolman it ultimately plays like a shoddy, competitively shot student film that just happened to have a real budget and a cast of Hollywood A-listers. However, that doesn't mean Pine can't direct. It just means that his next outing will need a better script, a better editor, and, well, a better everything. The one thing he should maintain, however, is his positive attitude. I'm glad you love it Poolman although I'm another critic who definitely doesn't.
Poolman it's currently in theaters.
