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When I started dating, my friends in Georgetown wanted to know about my sex life with women.
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I didn't want to be his entertainment, so I tried to keep all the details to myself.
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Now I feel more confident as a young bisexual.
As a high school student in Georgetown, I noticed that details about people's sex lives on campus were often used as social currency. Once taboo gossip about positions and sexual partners is now easily spread, especially after a few glasses of wine in a dorm room or on the dance floor of a student bar.
For most of my time in Georgetown, using my sex life as a topic of conversation was not only harmless, but people expected it from me.
But after I broke up with my ex over a month ago, everything has changed. I started dating men and women; I knew I was bisexual when I was in high school when I fell in love with my lacrosse captain.
I soon discovered that most of my peers were wondering if I was going to date women, who those women were, and how I was going to date them. It only took me a few conversations to realize that many of these questions were more voyeuristic than real, and I decided to stop sharing the details of my sex life with friends.
When I started using dating apps this semester, I was very open and honest about my experience.
Discussions about dating app leaks were commonplace; Less than a week after returning from winter break, over a gin and tonic, a friend asked me who my “target girl” was in Georgetown. Basically he asked me if he could have sex with any girl in Georgetown, who would it be?
I wouldn't say it seriously, but this question made me angry and felt inappropriate. He never referred to anyone he was stalking as a "target", especially a woman; I know what it's like to be sexually objectified and I would never do that to another person.
On another occasion, a friend of mine told me that it would be "more interesting" if I shared dating stories with women. Her comment wasn't close to being disrespectful to ask about my "female destiny" but it made me realize that some of my friends were only interested in my sex life with girls.
After a few questions like this, I realized that my friends might not have malicious intent, but rather reflect a broader voyeuristic interest in the sex lives of women exploring their sexuality. I was lucky in Georgetown that I didn't have a backlash when my classmates said I was bisexual. However, what I experience is the sexualization of bisexual women in general.
I have seen several similar interactions with other friends of all genders.
I realized that my love life was a source of excitement for others, especially because of my sexuality.
That's when I decided to stop sharing details about my sexuality and personal life with friends; I no longer wanted my sex life to be a source of entertainment.
My method of maintaining greater intimacy varied from friend to friend. On one occasion, I specifically told a friend that I wasn't going to share the details with her because I wanted to learn more about certain genres without asking detailed questions about the experience. It hurt a little, but he understood. On other occasions, I simply avoided casual conversations and omitted the details of my acquaintance, deliberately listening rather than sharing.
The decision to be less explicit about my sex life with close friends led to awkward one-sided conversations. But my short replies, my long silences, and my abrupt change of subject seem to me now necessary; it means I can continue my queer sex life without feeling like a TV show character.
Although they came from genuine excitement and curiosity, the wording of these questions objectified and made me feel uncomfortable, whether they were addressed to me or my fellow bisexuals.
Now that I keep my sex life to myself, I feel more confident in my queer identity.
Lately, I have felt more capable of dating and dating women. Without constant questioning from my friends, I hesitate to make my own judgments about how I really feel; You don't have to worry about their opinion.
This new personal life allows me to explore my bisexual identity on my own terms. For me, as a young man who has only a few acquaintances behind him, this is important.
Read the original Insider article
