Conan O’Brien is one of the most beloved talk show hosts in television history. As far as associate producers go, however, there’s probably just the one who has attained so much public recognition: Jordan Schlansky. According to IMDb, the TBS show Conan was one of the best talk shows of all time, and its remotes were among the biggest reasons why. His associate producer, Jordan, started appearing in remotes during the 2007–08 Writers’ Strike when Late Night with Conan O’Brien was desperate for material that didn’t need to be written. Since then, Jordan has become a highly regarded recurring character in the ConanVerse.
It’s easy to see why. Among other things, Jordan tends to over-explain (to the point of sounding pedantic), often remains impassive, and speaks somewhat robotically. Conan, by contrast, is half-clown and extremely emotive. Needless to say, they are natural opposites. Jordan’s obviously been a good sport about his boss making fun of him in front of millions and millions of people, so it’s not like he doesn’t have a sense of humor. Anyone who works for Conan has to. That said, their most epic remotes can look like an unstoppable force meeting an immovable object that speaks Italian. Not only are they very funny, but they also display the intricacies of Conan and Jordan’s half-friend, half-professional relationship.
10 “Conan & Jordan Share a Kaiseki Meal”
Original Air Date: November 29, 2018
Jordan has stated that he really enjoys traveling with Conan, regardless of what’s shown on-screen. That said, this Kaiseki meal in Japan is one of the sharper interactions between the pair. It gets to the point where Jordan and Conan argue over whether Conan is genuinely making their waitress laugh, or if she’s just humoring him. Jordan goes so far as to tell his boss that he hasn’t been funny during this meal and their server probably assumes that Jordan is the one in power. The level of tension has never been higher.
It turns out that The Karate Kid Part II (of all things) initially sparked Jordan’s interest in Japan. This is funny in itself, and Jordan was so sure that it was filmed in Okinawa. Well, good thing he’s found other reasons to appreciate the country because Conan wants to show him a brief video message. In it, Ralph Macchio himself tells Jordan that The Karate Kid Part II was actually filmed in Hawai’i, not Japan. It’s an amusing revelation that Conan saved for the end of their meal, and Jordan’s reaction doesn’t disappoint.
9 “Conan Visits Jordan’s Favorite Restaurant”
Original Air Date: April 11, 2018
The best remotes with Jordan capture the nuances of his relationship with Conan, and this is definitely one of those times when the viewer can see they’ve known each other since the ’90s. After a funny little ceremony with the mayor of Cortona, the duo have a delicious meal at Jordan’s favorite restaurant. Of course, they argue about even walking inside, as Conan points out that Jordan claims to be a big deal (his photo is on the wall). Jordan insists he just cares about the food.
After getting shut down, Conan passive-aggressively stares off into the distance while Jordan tells him what he smells in the wine. Annoyed, Jordan asks Conan what he smells. Conan’s response is hilarious: “I smell desperation,” and a few other things. Jordan later tells Conan that he’s heavier than the average Italian, but claims that it’s not an insult. Perhaps to prove his point, he tells his boss that he did look terrible in 2002. The Curb Your Enthusiasm music at the end as they talk over each other captures how their innate conflict of personalities will never fully resolve.
8 “Conan’s Dinner with Jordan Part 2”
Original Air Date: June 2, 2008
Whereas Part 1 of Conan’s Upper East Side dinner with Jordan is more of a Conan show, Part 2 balances the scale with plentiful ramblings from Jordan. He likes to think that everyone has a color that represents their aura. The viewer can’t blame Conan for being confused upon discovering that he and Jordan are both red. Jordan also shows his boss a photo of wine poured in the same place where its grapes are grown. To Jordan, it’s “the ultimate poetry.” To Conan, it’s cause to tell Jordan that he will be assassinated.
“You’ve never had water until you’ve been to Iceland” leads into another topic that tries Conan’s patience. Perhaps what best conveys the difference between these two guys is when Jordan recites Led Zeppelin’s “Immigrant Song” as if it’s a Shakespearean sonnet. Conan counters with an animated, one-man rendition of “Whole Lotta Love.” The contrast works so well: Jordan tries to slow things down and make them poetic, whereas Conan’s into the explosive rock-and-roll of grand theatrics.
7 “Conan Furloughs Non-Essential Staffers”
Original Air Date: October 1, 2013
The omnipresence of Jordan Schlansky is never conveyed better than in the remote in which Conan follows the United States government’s lead and decides to lay off non-essential workers. Conan catches his assistant buying a pie online and doing a crossword puzzle, but people keep bringing up Jordan as the person they would fire. The office odyssey that Conan embarks upon to reach Jordan only makes this comedic encounter all the more climactic.
When confronted about filling up his Brita, Jordan responds as only he can: “The choice to remain hydrated doesn’t imply that I have no work to do.” Much to Conan’s bemusement, Jordan goes on to disclose that he drinks 156 ounces of water a day. When asked what he does for the show, he says “The people that need to know already know.” Best response ever. The conversation ends with Conan comparing Jordan’s body language to that of Lee Harvey Oswald, which is a perfect finish to another epic showdown.
6 “Conan and Jordan’s Italian Road Trip”
Original Air Date: April 11, 2018
On Jordan’s standard road trip from Florence to Tuscany, he and Conan squeeze into a red 1962 Fiat so small that Conan says it can fit into the glove compartment of his own car. It’s funny that Jordan says this is the height of the trip, which Conan might not agree with—given how little legroom he probably has. Even better is when the car breaks down and the talk show host has to get out and push.
The Italian music Jordan suggests is too expensive for the show to use, so Conan plays some stereotypical Italian music on his sound FX machine instead. He also plays sound effects, which are so dumb and out of place with the gorgeous Italian countryside in the background. The crying baby, the cheering crowd, the tires peeling out: all great. But it’s the obnoxious fart noises that make Jordan crack up and express utter incredulity that this man-child riding shotgun graduated from Harvard. It’s one of the pair’s best moments.
5 “Conan Interviews “Late Night” Associate Producer Jordan”
Original Air Date: January 9, 2008
During the 2007–08 Writers’ Strike, producer Frank Smiley suggested that Conan interview Jordan Schlansky because they were so funny together. What resulted was the first Jordan-centered remote, and one of the best. It’s interesting to see Jordan smiling more than he would later on, as when Conan “correctly” pronounces “Cytogainer.” This is the first time the audience sees Jordan crack a whip, and Conan sings Rush’s “Limelight” without knowing the words or title.
This is also the first time we see the juxtaposition between Jordan’s orderly appearance and what Conan calls the “madman’s den” of his office. There are bags of clementines, a box of Honey Nut Cheerios (which Jordan defends without missing a beat), and best of all: a bin of s’mores Pop Tarts. The discovery is so antithetical to what Jordan stands for that even he can’t keep from laughing. Conan nibbling on a Pop Tart as Jordan talks about what type of wine might pair well with it is one moment that particularly highlights why these two are such amusing opposites. They even dance to the Bee Gees; what else can you ask for?
4 “Conan and Jordan Plan Their Trip to Italy”
Original Air Date: March 26, 2018
The comedic duo ride an emotional roller coaster before they even board their plane to Italy. Conan surprises Jordan with news that they’re leaving that very night, but you wouldn’t know it from the associate producer’s expression. The man is completely unfazed. When Conan asks if he needs to call his wife, Jordan says “I’m all set.” Then he starts pointing on the map to all the places in Italy he’s been to, naming so many that Conan pretends to know a ridiculous amount of places, too. It’s vintage Conan, but the best part is when Jordan takes the pointer back and continues without even acknowledging the bit.
The remainder of these nine glorious minutes include Conan pretending to be a blow-up doll as Jordan talks about romance, a comment on Conan’s shaving accuracy, and Jordan cracking up from total silence. The best part is when Jordan appears to be vaguely insulting Conan’s appearance (in response to being compared to the Joker), and Conan demands to know what’s wrong with his face. When Jordan complies, Conan’s reply is delightfully over the top. The viewer expects nothing less.
3 “Conan Forces Jordan Schlansky To Clean His Filthy Office”
Original Air Date: January 9, 2014
With the help of professional organizer Julie, Conan plans to finally clean out his associate producer’s extremely messy office. Poor Jordan has to watch his boss devour his salami sandwich, leading to an exchange in which the talk show host shows absolutely no remorse for stuffing his face. Jordan gives lectures on sauerkraut and reverse osmosis and claims that he’s indifferent to having a clean office space. Conan asks if he thinks he wants to be dirty, and Jordan’s deadpan response is hilarious.
The more they clean, the more it appears to Conan that his associate producer is “running a moderately sized Italian restaurant.” But things get really tense when he finds an envelope from NBC, the network that notoriously took him off The Tonight Show after only seven months. The last section of the remote involves an argument about why Jordan doesn’t look people in the eye, at which point Conan asks him to sustain eye contact and subsequently beholds “the end of the world.”
2 ‘Conan Busts Jordan Schlansky and His Elitist Espresso Machine’
Original Air Date: March 13, 2013
The quantity of doors that Conan needs to pass through to enter Jordan’s office is already nuts. But things have gotten spicy now that there’s a new, fancy espresso machine in Jordan’s unique section of the building. Rumors are stirring; apparently, Jordan lets only a few select drinkers use this device. Conan expresses so to Jordan, who robustly corrects him; he doesn’t own the machine himself, and therefore imbibes no responsibility.
It’s a conflict that organically brewed off-screen, blending the purest elements of Jordan’s portrayal on the show: the machine’s instructions are in Italian, it’s sitting outside his office, and it was sourced using the show’s budget. Jordan’s logic for not buying a more expensive machine is so hilarious that it extracts a rare grin from his own mug. Conan proceeds to roast his employee for spouting so much bitterness toward American coffee. Also, this might be the first time Conan ever really pressed Jordan into spilling what he does for the show. Either way, it’s rejuvenating.
1 “Conan Catches Jordan Coming in Late”
Original Air Date: August 6, 2013
Jordan should be at work by 9:30 AM, but today he shows up at 12:50 PM. Jordan’s been showing up late every Friday on purpose, so Conan seems to have a valid complaint here. The suspense builds as Conan waits for his associate producer to appear, quietly grinding pepper and shooting lotion into a drawer. At one point, Conan spots Clorox wipes and can’t help but wonder why someone with such a messy office would bother having Clorox in the first place.
Jordan isn’t phased at all when he discovers a camera crew in his office, but it gets better when he starts to describe his morning routine and the “various ways” he “prepared” his body. Conan even feels compelled to tell the audience that none of this is scripted. Among other things, this remarkable remote features an interrogation about Star Wars action figures and a half-naked Jordan (who’s ripped) with sunglasses on. The oversized clocks that Conan brings are so passive-aggressive, and the talk show host demonstrating how to use a time card leads to a perfect mic-drop to end a segment that’s just as hysterical as any other remote they’ve ever done together.
Watch on TeamCoco
